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maliit na bato
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Thursday, July 24, 2008
too much to ask for, I guess
For the first time in my 26 years, I wanted nothing to do with that day.
I just thought that it is very embarrassing, even to the point of painful, that I am expecting something that I know deep down that isn't coming. What's worse is that they knew I was expecting and I am forced to feign nonchalance.
So I was hoping that no one would remember. Of course I want to feel special. I always do. But I have resigned to the fact that it's not happening anytime soon. So I had hoped that the day goes unnoticed.
it came
It rained. Thanks.
072708 sun 7:29pm
posted by anne at 8:16 AM
Monday, July 21, 2008
my temper
The thing about temper is that it's inherent. No matter what they say, it just won't mellow down even if you are basted on love and affection by the people around you. It's something deep within that won't just go away. Maybe with therapy, I don't know. I'm not that Westernized nor have I got enough cash to spend it on shrinks just to analyze whatever problem I already know I have. But the thing is, it's bad enough that I have really, really bad temper, so imagine my frustration to know Max has it, too.
I should be more patient in dealing with him, but as I said, I really have a bad temper and it just won't let me give in. I keep saying that it's for his own good, and maybe it is. But as experience tells me, it just won't matter for someone who has a temper problem. Ang God knows he has.
If I have the sole authority on his upbringing, I would have done a lot more different than what I am doing now. Because not only do I get disapproval from my mom, I also have the problem of expressing my true feelings. So count that, I have a temper problem and I have expressing problem. It's enough to let me burst into every single time I got and blame everyone about it. Top that with a dramatic line like, "I don't deserve this. I have done nothing but good and this is what I get?!"
So I know exactly what is bothering him every time he channels into one of his tantrums. I know the feeling exactly. I just don't know how to control it. I have that problem itself and it goes on for 25 - nopes - 26 years already and still, I don't have the solution. Plus, my own temper gets in the way of disciplining him so imagine two volatile individuals clashing. Not a pretty sight, I tell you.
no rain
None yet. But I'm not losing hope.
072108 mon 2:05pm
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